Tired--

This photo is a blurry hello from my camisole (which I bought today--if you ever want to listen in on such adventures, check my Ignore Line).

I am a little bit tired this weekend; there was a large music event downtown that I half-heartedly wanted to attend, but instead I'm going to lay in bed, read ScaryGoRound, and watch "The Rules of Attraction." I may take calls, or chat on yahoo, but I may also roll over and sleep ;)

I know everyone my age is supposed to adore Brett Easton Ellis, but I've never enjoyed those books enough to finish them. It's the same with Chuck P (I still love the film of "Fight Club" far more than the book). If I want something that clever I'll stick to David Sedaris.

Post-Honolulu

I have been thinking about many different things over the past month.

First: Honolulu was fantastic. I went by myself, but the trip was a gift from my r/t Sugar Daddy. He is slightly different from a Money slave; this difference is one of the things I have been thinking about so much.

I am attracted to him. He's young, in fact, he is actually a year younger than me. He is not SuperDuperRich or a devout Capitalist. He is a hot guy that showers me with gifts. He is definitely a variation of the Financial Slave, but he is, none the less, a shade higher on the totem pole than my pigs. The primary difference here is that he is not in any way a Humiliation fetishist, and he is real time.

Money pigs, per se, are usually Humiliation fetishists. For me, certainly. They prefer panting over pictures and obscenely expensive camshows, tease and denial, verbal, psychological and, given the opportunity, emotional abuse. They are usually obsessive, well educated, and successful professionals in their respective fields. They are also frequently in communities where finding a woman like me--Dominant, sexually aggressive, and willing to indulge rare and difficult fetishes (not to mention young and attractive with experience)--is difficult. They are usually in thrall to maleness, which leads, perversely, to a constant hunger for a parallel opposite. They seek larger than life men and women; for most, the maleness they spend their lives pursuing are embodied in their mentors and bosses, and the women are either detached fantasies or expensive rarities (me).

I want to travel more. This trip was invigorating and fun! So money pigs, listen: I know how badly you want me to embody your fictitious feminine by shopping for frills and shoes. Fine, send me those tributes too. But if you are interested in serving me, and not your own fantasy--remember how I hate "topping from the bottom"--learn to give me what I want. I'm not your motherfucking secretary, and I want to go to Van Couver over Thanksgiving. Write it down.

In the wilds of yahoo..

I am somewhat of a novice in the realm of cyber-space. I've picked up a bunch of useful tools that allow me to explore luring new subs in (not much to that, really, as the chemistry is either there, or not). Last night while wrangling some more obedience out of my website I went in to the land of yahoo chatrooms, and wow. It is really something.

Has anyone ever had a rewarding experience there? I definitely had many amusing ones, and one truly wonderful one (hello to you, if you should be reading this ;). These things called "bots," these people posting over and over again for the same thing ("All young girls c2c me"--as if that would somehow be appealing to anyone, let alone a young girl). I really enjoy chatting. I've had no success with msn, as it invades your entire computer, and eyeball seems very finicky. But yahoo is like the jungle of the internet.

It's alright, of course. It's not as if I've ever shrank away from jungles.

It's been a strange summer.

I broke my webcam in the epic move.

Donations always accepted.

There have been a lot of minor epiphanies that accompanied the last five months or so regarding my sexuality. One of the most significant is that submissive men seek me out. Why? Probably because I'm naturally aggressive.

I've always thought of this in terms of bringing shy men out of their shell, which I still occasionally do. But a lot more attention has lately been paid to allowing them to stay there, where they're comfortable, and still allow them bits of my attention. I think, honestly, I have only recently really become aware of how much my attention is worth.

I think it would be safe that I've graduated from naturally aggressive to Dominant.